Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy Entry on Homework

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy Entry:
By Matthew Floyd for  Mr. Tromble's class 11/13/12

          Earthlings are well known for creating stupid inventions that other extraterrestrial beings with superior knowledge will laugh at, as being either too cruel or too childish. As of this time of this current publication, only one invention has been identified as both cruel and childish at the same time. That invention has been called homework by Earthlings. Homework can come in many formats. It can be a simple piece of paper that asks ridiculously hard questions on a simple lesson or it can be a big piece of paper known as a project that tells what that subject is to a bunch of people who already know what the heck it is. Despite its many forms, homework still has the same purpose, which is to teach the young about the subject that they recently learned about. While completing, they are expected to do so without their teacher’s help or their understanding on the subject. This in theory should help the child learn the lesson by heart. The truth of the matter is that it causes the child to become illegally insane with anxiety attacks, abuse, stress, over excess of sweat, curved spines, loss of imagination, sudden gain of adulthood, and a hatred towards teachers or parents. It may also cause the child to resent school and be opposed to the system.
       Upon completion of their education, the students receive a shiny piece of paper that tells their future employer that they survived school and they need a job. Therefore, the child has grown into an adult and decides to be proud of homework for he thinks that working on it helped him earn that shiny piece of paper. (Other alien races have determined that homework had nothing to do with gaining a love for learning and remembering. Sadly, they're too polite to spoil the Earthling's shallow realization on homework.) The Earthling decides to celebrate by forcing people younger than himself to do homework, therefore making the cycle go on and on until the Earth was blown up by the Voogons. Fortunately, a similar pratice of homework has caused bloody student rebellions on other planets, so the practice has been replaced with the child receiving a programmable memory implant attached to their hand called computerization.